Sainsbury’s has unveiled plans to buy up every single retail outlet down Clapham High Street in 2015.
In an attempt to have the world’s longest supermarket, the chain is currently celebrating the opening of their one millionth store in Clapham at Clapham North. That’s one million in Clapham alone, on top of all the others around the country.
Their aim is to have every retail shop become a Sainsbury’s Local in an attempt to repeat stock over and over again along the high street, around the common, down through Northcote Road and then back up through Clapham South and Abbeville Road.
However, every store will be linked by an underground network using the WWII bomb shelters next to each tube station. A series of travellators will allow the safe passage of trollies from one Sainsbury’s Local to another.
When viewed from space, people will see a large triangle symbol around the shape of Clapham Common generated by the lights of each Sainsbury’s Local. A state of the art projector will then project a giant Sainsbury’s ‘S’ into the centre of the triangle creating a cheeky version of the Superman logo. All to be ready just in time for the first passengers of Virgin Galactic to take Instagram photos and share on social networks as a Sainsbury’s sponsored meme.
One Clapham resident said “I just want another M&S” before sobbing into her orange Sainsbury’s bag for life.